Navigating Holiday Grief: Why the Season Feels Harder & What You Can Do
The holidays are often portrayed as a time of joy, laughter, and connection. But if you’re mourning or grieving, this season can feel more like a weight than a celebration. Whether you’re navigating the loss of a loved one, the heartbreak of divorce, or the ache of childhood wounds that resurface around family gatherings, you may find yourself wondering: Why does grief feel so much heavier this time of year?
If you’ve been carrying loss in Santa Monica, Los Angeles, or anywhere in California, know this: you don’t have to go through the holiday season alone. Grief therapy offers support, understanding, and tools to help you move through this time with more ease and self-compassion.
Why Grief Feels Heavier During the Holidays
For many people, the holiday season magnifies the ache of grief. The combination of family traditions, social pressure, and cultural expectations can stir up memories and emotions you thought you’d already tucked away. Some reasons grief feels worse during the holidays include:
Memories are everywhere. A favorite holiday song, a special meal, or a tradition can trigger waves of longing and sadness.
Expectations to be “cheerful.” You may feel pressure to smile, show up for gatherings, or buy gifts when your energy is already depleted.
Isolation in the midst of togetherness. Watching others celebrate can make your own pain feel sharper, like you’re on the outside looking in.
Physical and emotional exhaustion. Grief already drains your energy, and the holidays add another layer of demands.
It’s no wonder the holidays feel like they carry more weight when you’re already carrying so much inside.
Common Emotional Patterns in Holiday Grief
If you find yourself experiencing any of these, you are not alone:
Guilt. Wondering if you should be “over it by now.”
Anxiety. Dreading social gatherings or family events.
Numbness. Feeling disconnected, like you’re going through the motions.
Overcompensating. Keeping busy, throwing yourself into planning, or doing everything for others so you don’t have to sit with your own feelings.
Resentment or envy. Feeling hurt when others seem carefree or joyful.
These emotions don’t mean you’re weak or broken. They’re signals that your nervous system is still carrying the impact of loss.
Gentle Ways to Care for Yourself
The truth is, grief doesn’t follow a calendar and it certainly doesn’t take time off for the holidays. While you can’t erase the pain, you can take steps to move through it with more gentleness:
Allow your feelings to exist. You don’t need to push away sadness, anger, or longing. Giving emotions space can lessen their intensity.
Choose rituals that nourish you. Light a candle, create a memory ornament, write a letter to the person you lost, or carry on a tradition that feels comforting.
Practice saying no. It’s okay to decline invitations or scale back on commitments. Your healing matters more than appearances.
Anchor your nervous system. Simple tools like deep breathing, grounding exercises, or a short walk outside can help you reconnect with your body when emotions feel overwhelming.
Reach for support. Whether through trusted friends or grief therapy, you don’t have to carry this alone.
When Grief Is Tied to Trauma
Sometimes grief feels heavier because it’s layered with old survival patterns. For example, a breakup may stir up childhood abandonment wounds, or the loss of a parent may resurface memories of never feeling fully loved or seen.
In these cases, talk therapy can help…but trauma-informed therapy, especially EMDR, can go deeper. EMDR therapy works with the nervous system to release the stuck pain, so those memories lose their grip. Instead of replaying painful moments over and over, EMDR helps your brain file them away so you can carry them differently.
If your grief feels tangled with trauma, Trauma Therapy in California and EMDR Intensives can provide safe, effective ways to process those layers.
Therapy Can Help You Carry the Holidays Differently
Grief therapy isn’t about forcing you to “move on.” It’s about giving you a safe, supportive space to:
Share your story without judgment
Untangle the guilt, shame, or loneliness that keep you stuck
Reconnect with yourself and your needs
Build tools to steady your nervous system when the waves of emotion feel too strong
Release old patterns of people-pleasing or overfunctioning that often flare up around family and holidays
Whether you’re in Santa Monica, Los Angeles, or anywhere in California through online therapy, you can access support that helps you feel less alone in this season.
A Local Note for Santa Monica & California Clients
I offer grief counseling in Santa Monica and online therapy across California. Many of my clients are high-achieving women who look “strong” on the outside but feel exhausted inside. If that’s you, know that therapy is a space where you don’t have to perform or carry it all by yourself.
You can also explore my Grief Therapy page to learn more, or check out my Anxiety Therapy page if worry and overthinking are part of your grief.
Final Thoughts: You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
Grief has a way of making the holidays feel heavier, but you don’t need to face it in silence. If you’re longing for a place to release the weight you’ve been carrying and feel safe in your own body again, I’d love to support you.
Serving Santa Monica, Los Angeles, and all of California online.
